Mirror

It’s an amazing world!! (Kindly sense high dosage of sarcasm here). Sometimes I begin to wonder if there’s something seriously wrong with the world or it is just me. It’s difficult for me to digest the fact that they do not understand plain, clear logic in everything and how they perceive everything based on the most baseless things. Perception is something that speaks a lot about a person. Normally, people are illusioned with what they see. How easily can one be deceived by their own eyes! Even while making the most important decisions like choosing a life partner. I have seen them having a list of traits based on superficial things like colour, size, height, caste, subcaste, sub-subcaste, salary, number of siblings, 1BHK, 2BHK, etc. that set their benchmark to select or not select someone. It’s no less than cracking CAT. It’s absolutely impossible for them to look at the BIG PICTURE of all these things – that is the person himself. How he is beneath his skin – his pure, raw self, his heart. One’s beauty lies in one’s soul. You can only be connected, moved, touched by the soul of another person. One needs to grow above and beyond shallow things.

People generally perceive God in idols and rituals. Again – illusion. I fail to understand the point in being religious, but not spiritual? How deeply do you actually feel connected to the Almighty while you recite your prayers or carry out some ritual? God is our own higher self, our inner conscience. Yes, religion does have its own positives – one is more disciplined when it comes to remembering Him, but just blindly or mechanically following customs without feeling God is like mugging up your answers without understanding the core basics. You might score well but the knowledge you gain out of it is - nothing.

How true is one to oneself? I see people and wonder how they do not have their strong moral principles. How is it that they have no say in whatsoever? Isn’t Integrity the basis of your moral code? Yes - we are no saints, we make mistakes. But having the spine to accept them and facing the consequences is Integrity. Refusing to carry the baggage of lies, unfaithfulness, disloyalty, pretense, deceit is integrity. Loving a person is integrity and standing by it is too. Being honest in loving someone is Integrity. Love is the purest form of truth, being unfaithful is the most manifest sign of lie. There are no greys here. It’s plain black or white.  Lie – can seem like a pretty safe shelter, only it has holes you can’t see. It can help you take a step or two but truth is courage, it is freedom...freedom to walk your whole life your way. Standing by your principles can be liberating even if the whole world is against you and they will be - cause it’s simpler to take the easy way. It’s simpler to not fight and run away. It’s safer to agree with the crowd. Being coward is an easy option.

What is left of us, if we don’t stay stick to our own beliefs...one’s own thoughts? As philosophical as it sounds, truth can never be questioned. One can never be ashamed of it; it is lie that will give your heart the weight of guilt that will consume it sooner or later. Your principles are what make you. It is not simply a war with others; it is a silent seal of deal with your own self. It is spiritual, it is pure and the most logical thing you know.

Another trait commonly found that baffles me is Hypocrisy. Normally, these kind of people never accept their mistakes and will always be seen beating around the bush when questioned. Courage to not be two-faced and to take a stand on what they feel and think is something beyond their capability. But they are good at many things, you cannot not give them some credit- they have impressive faking capability, they can manage to justify their actions through the most bizarre and illogical explanations, they are more often than not emotionally and mentally dependent on others, etc. The issue with hypocrisy is how weak a person can be to have perfectly no alignment of his beliefs and actions. I agree that there is no right, no wrong. What one may find right may be completely wrong in the world’s eye, but you must have a clear, pure reason for that. A reason you stand by and you have to take a strong stand on that – openly. No pretense. Being strong is a choice one makes. Of course, hypocrisy has nothing to do with ethics, a thief can be sincere, and a saint can be a hypocrite.

The list could be a lot, lot longer. This is not over...yet...not till the world keeps amusing me.

The Rockstar

Normally to woo a girl, the guy goes on his knees to propose to her. He buys her chocolates, bouquets of flowers, arranges candle light dinners, gives expensive gifts, etc. I too believed and expected the same. He did none of these and yet managed to take my heart away. 

It was an awaited trip to Kala Ghoda Festival. He woke me up by calling me up as instructed. Not without difficulty, I woke up after talking to him till 4 am (Brahma Time) the last night. 

Back Story of Brahma Time : Out of the many fears that I have, what dominate are the fear of ghosts and fear of darkness. So night time is a deadly combination of these two - especially when I had to sleep alone in a room. I'd imagine a child sitting on top of the cupboard or a lady peeping in from the window that opened to the balcony. I would talk to him till late at nights, partly because of the genuine reason of my fears and mostly using it as an excuse. He had stated that 4 am is the onset of Brahma Time - the holy time. It was only post 4 that I would hang up, assured that the imaginary child and the lady would not haunt me any more.

Coming back : I get ready and meet Vishal at the CST station. As usual, I skip a heart beat when I see him. He is wearing the same T-shirt he wore on our first date. We take a cab and reach the more-than-expected crowded Kala Ghoda Fest Venue. Both of us being art lovers, we absorb the creativity of the pieces of art around. The candid photographs, vibrant artifacts, beautiful portraits and best-out-of-waste forms simply left us awe-struck. For once, my attention was more on the surroundings than on him. He still managed to keep me hooked on to him by his adorable gestures. He held my hand tight through the crowd, he made sure I ate my meals and had his eyes on me throughout.

After hovering around the place in the first half, we decided to attend a workshop 'Discover the Clown in You' post lunch. The person taking the workshop, Rupesh, had an interesting mix of activities that would indeed propel anyone to show his crazy side. Vishal and me also participated in one or two. Here comes a little back story again. 

For hours me and Vishal had had long conversations about plenty of topics- science, God (God probably being one of the first few topics that got us to know each other), philosophy of life, movies, books, puzzles, childhood stories, past experiences, amidst a lot of other nonsensical talks and pointless giggles. Now, I remember him saying once, "I have stage fear since childhood"

"Why?"

"Don't Know"

Me: (Saying the exact words my brother had said once to me) "It's OK to goof up on stage, it's OK to look stupid.. but more than often you'll do better than expected.. you have to at least give it a chance.. I think you underestimate yourself"

"I guess you're right"

This was the moment, in this workshop in Kalaghoda Fest, when Rupesh invited people to act crazy on stage - one could do anything one wished, without uttering a word and completely rely on his or her body language. The catch was that there would be more than one person on the stage and the participants would have to put up an act or role play and the people from the audience had to point at the one who attracted the most attention while the participants are still performing on stage.

I told Vishal 'Come on, go...Please...For me'. He blushed and said - No. I smiled and looked back on stage. I could still feel Vishal looking at me. I looked back at him - I saw this confused look on his face as if he is thinking something hard. I figured he is up to something. He got up and proceeded towards the stage. Knowing him and his stage fear, I knew it took a lot for him to sum up the courage and do this. I could sense the nervousness on his face. 

But once on stage, he took me by surprise...by manifolds. The moment Rupesh said "start", I was amazed to see Vishal play air guitar and head bang like a Rockstar. My eyes were glued on him. Coming from a guy like him, who is so shy - he mustering up all his courage to do that, that too for me, did completely and truly floor me. I noticed that not many fingers were pointing at him but he had all and full attention from the person he wanted. I had no idea what the others on that platform were doing. The stage was for him and he was for me. This was his way of kneeling down and telling me 'I love you'. 

3 Important Lessons of My Life

In my 28 yrs of existence, there are so many things I have learnt. Even in between doing our daily chores we end up learning some or the other lesson. For instance, I have learnt from my parents that we are not made for materialism but materialistic things are made for us. Maths has taught me that if there is only way through which u can understand something, you have not understood it totally and science has taught me how to look at things practically. My elder brother (who is 8 yrs elder to me), while watching Tom and Jerry has taught me that everybody to some extent in life, loves foolishness. I have learnt from my 2 yr old nephew that Wisdom begins in Wonder. While walking in the jungle in my native, I have learnt that all roads lead us to our destiny but your destiny changes according to the road you choose.  

But to pen down 3 Important lessons in my life, they would be as follows...

Lesson No-1 : Live and let live

Over the time, in my life I have come to believe that each of us has a personal calling that is as unique as our fingerprint. There is no right, no wrong but only perception. What A thinks is right may not necessarily be right in B’s eye. So there is a simpler way in dealing with not so simple things, i.e Live and let live.

Lesson No-2 :  Believe in  yourself and Have faith

As cliché as it may sound, you have to believe in yourself. You know yourself and the potential you have more than anyone else. There are times when I am almost on the verge of giving up, that is when I just close my eyes and tell myself that there is someone above, some supernatural power, my higher self, my inner conscience, my God that will help me pull through. So when the going is tough, I use my lesson no 2, I simply believe in myself.

Lesson No-3 :  Live your life to love your life

I had read it somewhere - make as many good memories as you can, they might be the only thing you have to while away time when you grow old. I randomly pick up things to do according to my mood each day. It has been one of the stress busters for me lately. It could be anything from listening to a particular song to watching some movie or sitting back and writing a poem on any of my wandering thoughts or simply indulging into having my favorite dish just because I live my life to love it…every day

Journey to your Journey

Long Route Journeys, there's something so amazing about them. A time when you’re anticipating the trip ahead, the fun ahead. I particularly remember the vacations to my native every summer holiday. More than the vacation, the train journey (mind you, second class) was more awaited. Yes, the bogies are dirty, yes they were continuously barged in by food item and cold drink sellers. But inspite of all this, it was the time I always looked forward to.

I think what makes it more special is that it is - Technology Free. No more TVs and 9 o clock serials and the noise of constant item numbers to your ears. It's like being disconnected from your mundane life- almost like losing track of time. For those few hours, the train is your home.. you make it your home -  with proper placement of your luggage below the seat, the water can on the side table and handbags most often used as pillows while sleeping. The people you share the bogie with become your neighbors. Each one enjoys sharing their home-made food with each other, sharing laughs, sharing episodes of their lives. You play together. Those dust laden packs of cards come out and the famous games of 'teen patti', 'rummy', 'bluff' are played.

Scenic View from the window seat

For sometime you forget the ongoings of your life. A break from the past and from the mysteries of the future that linger in your head otherwise. I liked to look out of the window most of the times, absorbing the flashes of the scenes passing by. I liked to track the shadow of the trees forming a semicircle as the train passed by. The change in the voice of the moving train over a bridge. The glimpse of different cities. Anticipating the train to start moving when you’ve got down at halts and running in the moment it would whistle. Oh.. it's magical. Every bit of it.

Dusting Off

Dust of memories lay on my mind

They grow only to be abandoned again

a failed attempt, in contempt

I try again

The line of events seem surreal

the residue of my imagination

Faded yet vivid, they cease to leave me ever

The constant fight to stay solitary

Adrift, Away, Alone

Yet they peep and crawl and come

into my world of incompleteness 

A Game of Yes and No

they play with me

I seldom win, they conquer me

I Still start anew

Dusting Off the left overs

the bitterness, the festering of rancour

the randomness, the longing and nothingness

I empty myself

to be filled again

and again and again...